I’ve decided I have earned the right to claim some phrases and coin some new sayings. To reclaim the language for ostomy patients everywhere. Maybe encourage everyone to adopt new colloquial language in the interests of demystifying the stoma; celebrating that little nub of gut that separates we few from all those everyday assholes out there.
Next time that twelve year old working at Rona tells you caulking and grout are the same thing, he’s not a dumbass, he’s a dumbostomy. The guy that cuts you off merging onto the freeway is just a colostomhole. When you are up to your ileostomy in alligators, its hard to remember you came to drain the swamp. Some people just need a good swift kick in the stoma.
So whenever you run across an ass related frustration and it feels like the old stand-byes have lost there punch, you have our permission to substitute the new ones our GI surgeons have cut for us. Just don’t be stomanine about it.